Quote of the Day (2013-03-31)

My cross country coach said I have the heart of a champion and the legs of a spectator.

Source: The Middle

Quote of the Day (2013-03-30)

LAUNCELOT: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.

GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

LAUNCELOT: No, it's too perilous.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2013-03-29)

Inspector Tiger: This house is surrounded. I'm afraid I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No, I must ask nobody ... no, I must ask everybody to... I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No one must be asked by me to leave the room. No, no one must ask the room to leave. I ... I ... ask the room shall by someone be left. Not. Ask nobody the room somebody leave shall I. Shall I leave the room? Everyone must leave the room... as it is... with them in it. Phew. Understand?

Colonel Picketing: You don't want anybody to leave the room.

Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

Quote of the Day (2013-03-28)

Gareth: I've got a new theory about marriage. Two people are in love, they live together, and then suddenly one day, they run out of conversation.

Charles: Uh-huh.

Gareth: Totally. I mean they can't think of a single thing to say to each other. That's it: panic! Then suddenly it-it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock.

Charles: Which is?

Gareth: He'll ask her to marry him.

Charles: Brilliant! Brilliant!

Gareth: Suddenly they've got something to talk about for the rest of their lives.

Charles: Basically you're saying marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.

Gareth: The definitive icebreaker.

Source: Four Weddings And A Funeral

Quote of the Day (2013-03-27)

I'll have what she's having.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2013-03-26)

George: "Beautiful women... Ya know, they get away with murder. You never see one of them lift anything over three pounds. They do whatever they want, whenever they want to, and nobody can stop them."

Jerry: "She's like a beautiful Godzilla."

George: "And I'm thousands of fleeing Japanese!

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2013-03-25)

Bernard Woolley: "They cannot stop us eating the British sausage, can they?"

Jim Hacker: "They can stop us calling it a sausage though. Apparently it has got to be called the Emulsified High-Fat Offal Tube."

Bernard Woolley: "And you swallowed it?"

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2013-03-24)

Juno MacGuff: I'm pregnant.

Paulie Bleeker: What should we do?

Juno MacGuff: Well, I should just... I was thinking I'd just nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Because they were talking about in health class how pregnancy... It can often lead to an infant.

Paulie Bleeker: Typically, yeah... Yeah that's what happens when our mothers and teachers get pregnant.

Source: Juno

Quote of the Day (2013-03-23)

Larry Lipton: You promised you'd sit through a hockey game, and I promised I'd sit through the Wagner opera next week.

Carol Lipton: I know, I know...

Larry Lipton: I already bought the earplugs.

Source: Manhattan Murder Mystery

Quote of the Day (2013-03-22)

Charles: Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and... , particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered... ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you," and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on...

Carrie: That was very romantic.

Charles: Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just right.

Source: Four Weddings And A Funeral

Quote of the Day (2013-03-21)

Captain John Sheridan: Are you trying to cheer me up?

Susan Ivanova: No sir, wouldn't dream of it.

Captain John Sheridan: Good, I hate being cheered up.

Susan Ivanova: In that case we're all going to die slow, agonizing deaths.

Captain John Sheridan: Thank you, I feel so much better now.

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2013-03-20)

Sybil Fawlty: Are you still here Basil?

Basil Fawlty: No, I went a few minutes ago dear, but I expect I'll be back shortly.

Source: Fawlty Towers

Quote of the Day (2013-03-19)

Basil Fawlty: [exasperated with Manuel] Please! Try to understand before one of us dies.

Source: Fawlty Towers

Quote of the Day (2013-03-18)

The number of the counting shall be three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2013-03-17)

Who is the bigger fool? The fool, or the fool who follows him?

Source: Star Wars: A New Hope

Quote of the Day (2013-03-16)

There's only 150 of them!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2013-03-15)

The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead.

[a man puts a body on the cart]

Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.

The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.

The Dead Collector: What?

Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.

The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.

Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.

The Dead Collector: He isn't.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.

Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.

The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.

Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.

The Dead Collector: I can't take him.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine.

Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor.

The Dead Collector: I can't.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.

The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round?

The Dead Collector: Thursday.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk.

Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy.

[the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club]

Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much.

The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

Large Man with Dead Body: Right.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2013-03-14)

Westley: There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2013-03-13)

Here's a riddle for you. There's 200 million people in America. A hundred million of them are men. They lose four socks a year, conservatively. I lose ten myself. That's 400 million missing socks. Missing forever. Where are they? Nobody ever sees them again. You'd think you'd run into one of them every once in a while.

Source: Heartburn

Quote of the Day (2013-03-12)

Edwards: I would like to voice my strong concern about this show's spiraling decline in ratings. David, ever since you took us to the Caribbean, it's been Jamaica homeless people sucking soup, and a big wave outside that cost a hundred thousand dollars. That's depressing and it's expensive, two words I hate. You know the words I like? I like the word "peppy" and the word "cheap". Peppy and cheap.

Source: Soapdish

Quote of the Day (2013-03-10)

Homer: "To start, press any key." Where's the "Any" key?

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2013-03-09)

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2013-03-08)

LAUNCELOT Brave, brave Concorde! You shall not have died in vain!

CONCORDE: Uh, I'm-I'm not quite dead, sir.

LAUNCELOT: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!

CONCORDE: Uh, I-I think uh, I could pull through, sir.

LAUNCELOT: Oh, I see.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2013-03-07)

Harry Burns: Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2013-03-06)

GALAHAD: They're doctors?!

ZOOT: Uh, they've had a basic medical training, yes.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2013-03-05)

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!

Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.

Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!

Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!

Brian: Now, f*** off!

[silence]

Arthur: How shall we f*** off, O Lord?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2013-03-04)

Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, o Brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin! He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin! His head smashed in and his heart cut out, And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged, And his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2013-03-03)

Jim Hacker: "When you give your evidence to the Think Tank, are you going to support my view that the Civil Service is over manned and feather-bedded, or not? Yes or no? Straight answer."

Sir Humphrey: "Well Minister, if you ask me for a straight answer, then I shall say that, as far as we can see, looking at it by and large, taking one thing with another in terms of the average of departments, then in the final analysis it is probably true to say, that at the end of the day, in general terms, you would probably find that, not to put too fine a point on it, there probably wasn't very much in it one way or the other. As far as one can see, at this stage."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2013-03-01)

Jim Hacker: "Humphrey, who is it who has the last word about the government of Britain? The British Cabinet or the American President?"

Sir Humphrey: "You know that is a fascinating question. We often discuss it."

Jim Hacker: "And what conclusion have you arrived at?"

Sir Humphrey: "Well, I must admit to be a bit of a heretic. I think it is the British Cabinet. But I know I am in the minority.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister